Given that I'll be pulling stuff apart, if you haven't read the book and want to experience it without this contaminating your thoughts, I'd suggest you do that first.

Everything below this line is going to, much like hearing someone call your favorite Vtuber by her government name, break your immersion regarding the book/series.

It's brain poison from here on out.

Proceed at your own discretion.

————————————————

Now that I've finished writing, editing, and getting the first book out the door I can take some time to re-examine some problems I have with it for the purposes of picking apart my own bullshit.

That isn't to say I don’t think it's good; in fact I think it's great, I enjoyed writing it from beginning to end and hopefully others will like it as well.

Plus I made $19 from the whole thing so far, not bad for the first story I've ever written.

Hell yeah son, haulin' ass, gettin' paid.

That said there's still a number of areas I can improve on, aspects that weren't done well, and characters that could use some tuning as time goes on. What I'll do here is go over a number of problems that I can think of off the top of my head, and what I should do going forward to get everything dialed in so that the next one doesn't take 8 goddamn years.

Problem 1: The book is way too long, much like this section

Summary of this section's points:

1. I wrote a shitload of dialogue because I wanted the conversations to be real conversations, not quip battles between cardboard cutouts. At least that's what I was going for.

2. The idea of keeping the book as "unbroken" as possible in terms of narrative progression added hundreds of pages. I wanted to include what happens during the time between destinations and goddamn did I ever.

3. I have a clear and precise idea of how weapons, clothing, locations and characters are designed. I then vomited that onto the pages in a veritable brick wall of narration, much like if someone spent 30 paragraphs ensuring you deeply understood exactly how a leaf falling from a tree looked in a particular scene. The emphasis on designs and visuals would be great if I was making a comic but unfortunately that’s not the case. That and making a comic of this would cost like $800,000 that I don’t have.

————————————————

When you find a new series you'd like to get into, which of the following would be more appealing?

• A well written, enjoyable short story with memorable characters that can be read in 2-3 hours?

• An average length novel that can be read over the course of a week or so?

• A 1000+ page cinder block sized "book" full of numerous story lines, perspectives, and dozens of characters that acts as the series' prologue?

I maintain that I like it just the way it is, and I believe nothing should be cut from it, but that doesn’t mean the next entries need to be that much of a wrist breaking tome. Now, there's a reason it's that immense, so I'll try to explain it as best I can.

Since I was creating an entirely new series, my incredibly short sighted thought process was this:

•  There's a whole lot of concepts, tech, species, and more to introduce.

• There's a whole lot of concepts, tech, species, and more that needs to be filled out, rather than being a passing side note with zero depth to it.

If I introduce an alien, then it's only fair that the alien is given plenty of "screen time".

If I introduce a new type of weapon, I want to ensure how the weapon works is understood so that future events make sense.

If I show you a big fuck off sized bomb, it's only fair that I give you the payoff of that bomb exploding.

A lot of the plot lines and book sections that involve Bladehearth are an example of this. I introduce a number of alien species, meaning there needs to be pages and sections devoted to exploring and explaining those concepts and ideas.

That's all well and good, understandable, downright reasonable and what I'd call a solid idea.

However, that's not what spikes the page count.

The page count spikes because of two big factors:

1. I write a shit load of dialogue because I want the conversations to flow naturally, to resemble how actual people talk to each other.

2. I adamantly REFUSED to incorporate significant time skips or breaks in how the story played out from beginning to end. While there are some, one it passes around the second chapter it’s mostly unbroken in terms of day to day events. I took this to the extent of estimating how long it’d take for certain characters to walk somewhere (based on height + stride length), and would then adjust other parts of the story to account for that.

First one is self-explanatory, but the second was a conscious decision I want to touch on and explain why I did it.

In writing the book, I wanted the entire thing to flow from one event to the next with minimal/no breaks in narrative or in perspective. As an example, let's look at the return trip the Hellborn took from that Rengar "test village" outside of Bladehearth all the way back to Glacier.

One approach to that would be if there was a sort of "fade to black" moment where they get in the trucks, there's a page break, and then they're suddenly in Glacier's hangar. Another could be a paragraph or two where the narration summarizes the trip back to Glacier, with some odd tidbits of world building or setting thrown in that describe the state of the city when they got back.

That'd likely have cut off around 50+ pages alone, and that's just one example.

Yet it'd have also removed a lot of character moments, experiences, and narrative opportunities. What I wanted to avoid was having a book that was nothing but "event, event, event, event" with nothing between them. To put it another way, I don't want a story where it feels like a brief intro followed by bullet points of important events leading up to some conclusion. A story where the reader goes into a blackout coma after each event, only to wake up just in time for the next one.

What I enjoy personally are the moments between events, the time between leaving and arriving somewhere.

What did the characters talk about during the ride over?

What did they see?

What were they thinking about after some major event happened?

Another place that can extend into is how characters act around each other, and what they know about each other. Let's say for example we have two characters, Janice and Lilly. The story starts with Janice and Lilly meeting, working together, and then we hard cut to six months later.

Janice asks "Hey Lilly, where are you originally from?"
"Oh, Delaware." Lilly says.

You're telling me that for the past six months, that's never once been brought up? Never? Y'know what makes for a great opportunity for characters to get to know each other and interact? Those between moments that occur when moving from destination to destination.

For the characters in this series, I wanted to cut down and eliminate out of place dialogue where people are talking about stuff they should already know, especially when its about people they’ve been around for weeks if not years.

A scene depicting Iza walking from Sladegate to Old Concourse? I'm gonna cover the whole walk.
Longboat ride from Farevan back to Bladehearth? We're gonna have conversations, thoughts, and sights from liftoff to landing.

What I aimed for was a narrative, and story, that had an unbroken feeling of flowing from beginning to end. What I want is for a reader to feel as if they were there for the entire journey with the characters, to have as much time with the characters as they have with each other.

Problem is I got carried away, which is downplaying it.

Lastly, there's the issue of being overly descriptive in areas.

We'll start with the example of describing Glacier's bridge, when Iza enters it in Chapter 2. This is the very first time a reader will "see" the bridge, and that first impression needs to get across exactly what that scene looks like.
After that initial introduction, all further scenes on the bridge will take place in the reader's mind based entirely around the first impression/description they were given.

My "first impression" ends up being a floor to ceiling description in one unrelenting assault of text that includes what the goddamn carpet feels like underfoot.

To be perfectly clear, anytime I had to be descriptive of a location, a technology, or a scene my mindset was "Dear God this is a lot, but it's necessary for the first time."
Kind of like "Just bear with me here, keep everything I'm saying in your head going forward and then we won't have to do this every time we return to the same location or room."

Was it necessary?
Yes, but there's likely a more elegant and efficient way to go about it.

Problem 2: What the hell is the point of Oda's nightmares?

Summary of this section's points:

1. I did this entire thing involving Oda having stress induced nightmares stemming from when he killed that one girl. It became a part of his character, where he'd have frequent bouts of insomnia and issues with sleeping, never really getting any true rest at all.

2. The effects of this were minimal, and it wasn't depicted as causing that any "serious" issues throughout the book.

3. Going forward, how does this affect him? This needs to be shown and emphasized to give credence to how much of a problem it is for him and those around him. It's a problem, but without the evidence of how much harm it does then it boils down to me saying "No you see its bad because I say it's bad, you need to care because I said you should" without showing anything to back that up.

————————————————

The truth of this is that some of Oda's issues are based around some of my own. I do in fact have issues sleeping, getting actual rest, all that super fucking fun jazz. It causes problems such as the inability to comprehend anything, inability to form words, memory issues, lack of awareness, and there are times when I don't even remember what happened throughout an entire day.

Oda has it worse.
And at most he felt worn out and just needed extra coffee in the morning. He never made a serious mistake, never unwittingly put someone in danger, nada.

So, my question to myself is how can I fix this and make good on a concept I introduced?

I failed one of my own standards, I introduced a big fuck off bomb and never let the reader see it explode.

Off the top of my head, I can think of a few areas where this could have been used. I won't go back and edit this in, as the story is what is now (and I’m really goddamn sick of fixing formatting issues). If I wanted to make this issue actually be an issue, a few things could have happened throughout the story (the following is me pulling stuff out of my ass on the spot):

• During Oda's first bout of combat, he could have made a serious mistake due to exhaustion and let off a round that hit the acceleration field, blowing up the ground in front of everyone's feet and sending them sliding down the hillside. Right towards the enemy.

• When that one mechanic got his hand shredded, Oda could have had issues with the treatment in all kinds of ways due to blurry vision or lacking awareness from a lack of rest. The mistake could have required other Combat Surgeons to take over and undo his mistakes, further worsening his feeling that he isn't cut out for the role even after all the work he put into it.

• At the time of the siege, he could have fumbled Sung's treatment and put him out of commission for the rest of the fight, which Hendrick would absolutely not be okay with.

There's lots of places where it could have been made relevant, which would put a lot more oomph behind trying to get a handle on his issue with Klein's help. The issue was introduced and now it needs something to give it urgency, to make solving it a priority in the hope of preventing any future disasters.

This same section applies to other issues that were introduced, but only somewhat touched on.

For myself I believe it'll be improved on as the series progresses, it's the first book so there's time to work on it.

Problem 3: There's no real emotional weight behind Iza's plan (yet)

Summary of this section's points:

1. At the end of the book, I decided that I'd show what the final plan for all of this expedition stuff is about (at least for GDS). This was done because I didn't want to keep hinting at it for multiple volumes, as that would take years just to get to the point.
   But the plan doesn't have as much weight behind it as it should. 

2. This does show why the Adrift attack and try to force Iza to leave the Celestial Throne, and why Semyon attacked her in the first place. But what it doesn't do, is have the full "Oh fuck" weight behind it that I feel it should, unless the reader stops and gives it some real deep thought.

————————————————

When I was close to the end of the book, I had a decision to make.

Do I discuss what it's all about, and why GDS is doing these expeditions?
Or, do I have some convenient "call" come in that cuts Iza off, leaving Oda wondering?

The second option is something that, while an option, is a storytelling technique I honestly don't like. It produces a feeling of "Oh COME ON" instead of curiosity, it creates a sense of frustration with the text and that thought in the back of the head that the author is trying to buy time to come up with an idea in the next entry.

I also didn't want to drag it out, hinting at it here and there for years and numerous volumes until it's finally brought out into the open.

But, dragging it out does provide a benefit; it gives plenty of time to build up background to the world, the people there, the things that matter. In time, this would then result in far more weight behind "We're leaving them behind".

Filling that out isn't something I had time for in the first volume, and the end result is depending on the reader's decision to sit and think on it based on the information I've provided. Over time, it's been hinted that the Gargoth War was the worst conflict in history. It's implied that once GDS leaves, the war that results afterwards would be far, far worse.
In fact, it's implied that just about everyone will die, and life will become nothing more than endless warfare, pain, misery, atrocities beyond description and death for anyone left behind. At least until a final extinction happens.

But that isn't immediately apparent with that final statement Iza gives. I can say that it's a kind of "dull ache that will grow" but it could have been a more sharp, immediate and visceral emotion if enough background and build up had been included.

That's an area I'll need to touch on going forward, where the idea of what this is all for will sit in the back of numerous characters' heads as the story progresses.

Problem 4: When you start breaking out a measuring tape, it's time to stop

Summary of this section's points: 

1. While I wanted to give a feeling of immense scale and grandiosity, I got too specific at times.

2. There is no reason whatsoever I had to give exact down to the meter measurements about stuff, because then I'm locked into those numbers, I have to record those numbers, I have to visualize those numbers, and I always have to compare against those numbers when writing.

————————————————

"The truck was quite large."
That's a fragment, but otherwise acceptable.

"The truck was the size of two minivans put on top of each other."
Bit odd, but it'll work.

"The truck was 7.21098 meters long, 3.214 meters tall, the windows were square, about 32" long, 32" tall, with a curvature of 4 degrees in normal temperatures, 5 degrees in temperatures that are akin to the months of May-August within the state of Arizona but only in the year 1934."
Terrible for story writing, but if I have to ride a rocket into space this is the person I want designing it.

When you're writing, you're often gonna do just fine if you describe something in vague terms.

The item is large, the item is small, the item takes up the same space as a neighborhood, the item was comparable in size to an adult lobster.

These are general terms that can be easily filled in by a person's imagination, and leaves you with plenty of wiggle room to make adjustments or changes.

What's not great is when you get hyper specific, because: 

1. That takes up a lot of room writing-wise.

2. It leaves you with zero room to finagle around.

Where this became an issue is when the book's writing would veer into ensuring you knew damn well how many meters tall a certain hallway was, or how long it'd take to walk from point A to point B.
A lot of that could be toned down and abstracted, though there's a lot of areas that it makes sense as the reader does need to know certain measurements for the purpose of establishing a mental image. This includes:

• How tall a character is.

• How tall, wide, and long Glacier is.

• How tall a Wyrok is.

• What the caliber of a weapon happens to be.

But there are plenty of areas where it got way to specific, and while that does cause a problem for the reader (your eyes will glaze over after two paragraphs of overly specific nonsense), the real issue here is exact measurements in the writing become MY problem.

What's happening in this scene? Does it fit the previously established dimensions? Please hold, I have to go reference the chart relating to that stuff.

Someone is running somewhere? Hold on, let me just do some bar napkin math here to ensure I don't have them arrive too soon in relation to the previously established length of that hallway.

By getting so damn precise with some things, it means that I've established new rules that I'll need have to adhere to if I want to keep things consistent. Now that isn't the end of the world, I'm not self-flagellating over the fact I have to actually pay attention and put in some effort, I'm just bitching because I spent weeks of editing stepping on my own landmines. I don't believe the book has anything too egregious or long winded when it comes to this section, but it sure as hell added a lot of extra work onto my damn plate.

To get this point across, let me say this: 

• Within the encyclopedia I wrote for this series, which contains EVERYTHING, I have an entire section that's dedicated to keeping track of specific details. This include 10+ charts that keep track of all measurements, calibers, speeds, heights, and more.

• During the book's writing, I used 3D tools to visualize/double check any and all exact measurements to ensure they weren't too stupid (a lot of them are stupid, but I want them to be the cool kind of stupid).

• I didn't keep track of things at first. Which means a huge chunk of editing time was spent referencing sizes, comparing them to how they're depicted elsewhere in the story, and ensuring consistency throughout the book. This was for dozens of things, whether that was characters, mechs, drones, sentient species, rooms, and more. I had to compare all of them and ensure consistency in every, last sentence. For over 1000+ pages. Fuck me.

Was I wrong to include exact measurements? Eh, not really, it just could have been written better in certain places.

Was I wrong to not write the goddamn measurements down as I went along, forcing me to re-read the story 10+ times to ensure I got everything straightened out? Yes, yes, yes, Jesus Christ yes, please learn from my mistakes.

Conclusion

I have plenty of room to improve, I should do a better job of not digging myself into holes, and I need someone to stand next to me with a brick that will take flight the moment I cross the 800 page mark.